train these hands for war

i have been in a season of peace…a time of abundance and joy. thank you LORD.  it was more than i could have ever asked for.  i am so thankful.  but last night…it seems peace time is over…

it’s time for battle again.

i was spiritually blindsided last night, caught off guard by the enemy…or by humbled God? Maybe both?

all i know is that i was rendered useless and brought to my knees…

i am reminded that i am nothing.  and that God is everything.  i am weak and filled with doubts.  i have nothing to offer these students.

So Lord train these hands for war and my fingers for battle… ps 144

thank you father and thank you Father

#54 —–> Song performed by my cousins on two cellos during this picture
growing up, every monday morning before i went off to the bus stop, my dad would have me kneel and he would put his hand on my head (messing up my hair) and pray for me…bless me.

thank you father for always praying.

thank you FATHER for always answering.

Weapons of warfare

I have come to realize the reality of this war…every sin I commit…I am giving the enemy another weapon to use against me, against the people I love, and against His kingdom…

a monster goodbye

(———> song #56, don’t play it till the middle of the post)

so my school bill came in…my financial aid didn’t cover me this summer.  I don’t have the money to pay for it.  I am broke and i’m getting married in 2 months…so what to do?  Get a loan?  Go into debt for the first time in my life?  Or sell the most valuable thing i own…yup that one

One last ride…I fire up ‘ducky’ one last time. No helmet no jacket…just me and my monster (please don’t do this…its illegal in GA, but this was super early in the morning as the sun was rising nobody around so….) MUSIC #56 starts now…

Racing around the empty streets of Decatur…destroying this still quiet morning with the sound of my 750…this sound that made me buy it two years ago.  The cool air on my skin…the sun light peaking through the trees…leaning into corners, revving obnoxiously  loud, rpms screaming…good morning Decatur.  Sure i’ve had my fights with this guy…breakdowns, fuel leaks, dead batteries…but the good memories out shine the bad.  The starry nights on country roads, riding through thunderstorms and not dying, falling asleep on it on my way to Chicago and…and…the FREEDOM…riders you know what i am talking about.  The kind you can never feel inside those ridiculous four wheeled box prisons…

man i didn’t know i could be so emotionally attached to an inanimate object. but seeing some one else drive off with it that morning…i had to fight the urge in my hand to wave to it as it roared off.

good bye (waves)

rain.fire.battle and the sunrise

scattered thoughts about the summer retreat of fire and rain (music #57 ——> SMS performance edition)

days before…

“Lord here I am.  It seems like it has been so long since I had to preach Your WORD.  The confidence in which I walked has been stripped of me.  The energy…the joy…confidence…I don’t know what I am doing, I don’t feel energetic…I don’t feel ambition…I lack a vision…I just want to be done, there is no excitement

Was the confidence i had in my past…pride?  Was the passion built upon a trust in my  own abilities?

I don’t know…I pray that it wasn’t.  I really thought I was trying to be faithful

and now i am brought to my knees…desperate for You.

desperation…it doesn’t feel good…is that where I am always supposed to be…it kinda sucks…what about the joy?

God I am so very tied…i feel so empty…Lord remind me of what is my purpose…to preach your WORD to your people…to your children.”

30 minutes before final night service…

LORD I don’t have anything to say!  Been wresting for days for words and I only have two…rain and fire!

What does it mean?…

suddenly the words start to pour out of my heart on to the pages like a torrent of water…

praise band/counselors push back the service to 7:30!  I can’t stop…i need to write down this word…

Worship service…

fire.

rain.

lives are recommitted, souls are saved, hearts are broken and healed, people set free…

then the joy… (crazy-stupid-loud praise! freedom!)

The battle in the night…

the enemy tries to take away the blessings…the attacks come one after another…

JESUS is LORD! JESUS is LORD!

you will not take away our joy devil…because He has won! We have won!

Is that all you got?!?!

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39

7AM…

the dawn breaks…the night of battle is over…thank you LORD.

you are faithful…the sun rises and the darkness is overcome…

i am so thankful…i feel so full.

made in china ——-> song #58

on monday our youth mission’s team went to Walmart to buy vbs craft/skit stuff…a welcome break from our usual training which consists of running laps around the church and dancing to mid-90s christian pop songs(audio adrenaline anybody???).

so there we were, about a dozen loud korean-american kids running around the store with foam swords, princes tiaras, and spiderman masks…and as we walk by the bike section we pass by a middle aged caucasian gentleman who points at the rack of bikes and says smiling right at us,

“Made in China! Eh?”

Silence…and blank stares are exchanged…

we all just kinda paused for a second…completely caught off guard by the sudden and polite display of…racism? (thats southern hospitality for ya, even the racist comments sound kinda polite)

what to do?  I start thinking…I look back at my kids…I am the leader here…I must respond…defend our honor…A witty comment to retaliate perhaps?

“Nope…we’re made in America…” and correct his ignorance?  ”Hola, como esta? Asiste a una iglesia?” and confuse him?

No I am the youth pastor…I must turn the other cheek…take the high road…just walk away.

So we just walked on by ignoring the comment…yay we sure showed him!

As we walked towards the check-out…I was assuring myself that not saying anything was the right decision, the thought dawns on me.

“DANG IT he probably thought we couldn’t speak English!”

skydiving was sick… song #59——->

So my awesome fiancee surprised me a few months back with a pair of skydiving tickets! Pretty sweet.  Anyway I finally got a chance to take a weekend off church and come up to chicago for my buddy Michael’s wedding (congrats guys btw!)

So had a few days before the wedding so we decided to jump out of a plane…NBD.  So me, grace, and two of my best men tim and frank headed off for the cornfields of Illinois to the skydiving facilities.

Everyone seemed to express a sense of healthly nervousness/excitement about the whole ordeal.  But NOT ME!  I told them how bored I was of the thought of skydiving. “psshhh the only thing I’m afraid of is that its going to be boring”   (I had to exert my hyper-masculinity in front my ladyfriend)

fast forward….we are on a tiny plane 14,000 ft up (let me give you some reference, you know those fluffy clouds…we passed them 10,000 feet ago at 5,000 feet).  The side of the plane door opens, cold air rushes in and fills the plane.  I am AMPED!  Grace gets flung out first.  Then me…it was sick…or more like i got sick…

On the way up I told my tandem dude to go crazy, do spins, flips…whatever on the way down…he did…

I forgot that me and spinning don’t mix…example: A few years ago the teacups at Santa’s Village put me out of commission for the rest of the day…my VBS kids just starred at me as I laid on the ground moaning…

It was kinda like that except I was 6,000 feet in the sky and strapped to a huge dude named Paul.

Paul had about 5,000 jumps under his belt…out of those 5,000, only 7 people had thrown up on him…it took all my capacity to not be number 8.

Back on the ground, everyone was all smiles and high fives…except me…pale faced and sweating…

Joe Song: 0

Sky: 1  (by TKO)

this one goes out to the brothers-you know who you are—>#60

to all my young asian american brothers out there…this song is for you…(#60)

(The Lonely Island  Album:Turtleneck & Chain)

entrance music for 2nd fight night #61———->

thank you for the prayers and the encouragements everyone!  I was feeling sick the week-of and felt under trained and underprepared… but a 2nd round TKO.  it was over really quick, i was trying to pace myself and saved my energy and my big punches for the 3rd round but… it was over before I got to unleash…my fists feel a bit unsatisfied…maybe next time?

i didnt get to fight at 100% health or preparedness but battles don’t wait for us to be ready…just have to charge in when that bell rings

26…comes the end of a beloved tradition

(song #62 ————->)

the morning i turned 15, my sister and i were driving to school…we were driving in style in our black daewoo legansa.  as we pulled into the school parking lot she asked me…”so its your birthday, what do you want to do?”  jokingly i said i wanted to go to six flags…seconds later lois pulls a u-turn in the parking lot and we were headed out of the school parking lot…stunned I look at her…”seriously?!?” she seems serious enough…on our way out, I saw a buddy walking to school, I yell out my window “Hey want to go to six flags?”  (soon the three of us were racing away from classrooms and towards roller coasters)

thus a personal little birthday tradition was born…ditching school on my birthday…and doing…anything else.  I remember the next year we just drove out to a park, ate food, played guitars and napped under the trees listening to jars of clay from the car speakers…while all the other poor saps were stuck in classrooms learning stuff they’ll never remember when they are 26…

today i turn 26, its my last year of school…yes i should be in class right now…and no i will not go…i will go (for one last time)…anywhere else…

p.s. thanks lois…i’ve had many happy birthdays